Purple Pants

I am suspended from the sky

upside down

caged in my darkness

chained by my anxiety

moving to and fro

like a damaged clock

suspended in time.

Little griffons feast

on my decaying flesh

clean my bones

polish it with their spit

and my spilling blood.


Something hurts.

I know it is not my broken flesh

my splattering blood

my disintegrating tissues

my tangled nerves.

Maybe my cracked soul

is trying to sew itself back together,

Maybe my brittle heart

is trying to piece itself together.

But it hurts.


I am in my room

filled upto the brim with laughter and champagne

with dancing Chinese fairy lights

with peeling lemony yellow walls.

Nothing is happening but

everything is in chaos.

I am with everyone

yet lonely as a lost sparrow

watching the regale

from a hanging branch

outside the kitchen window.


I can still taste the bitter…

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[70] A Guide For Forgetting Happiness.

Smoke words every day.

To let monotony tire my heart
I wake up.
Instead, my existence is tired.
A search for meaning compels me
to pick up worry, confusion, frustration on the way.
At last, the meaning arrives in the form of a lie
My grey drizzly day ends with the quiet of my mind
It’s funny how sleeping makes me feel alive
and I don’t travel, to travel into
the world where I show myself vignettes that I ignore
Like an old photograph with rusted memories, dreaming sweeps me away from I
The absence of pain drives tedium of life to sleep
Until I’m pulled back to disremember.
To let monotony tire my heart
I wake up.

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There will be one glorious day in the future that I get to end my own life. I have never found anything more relieving or comforting than the thought of knowing that I will kill myself. It's a beautiful thing that I crave, and I don't think anyone else will really understand when I say … Continue reading

Fall’s Dark Spell Chapter 1

A vivid scene from a fellow blogger. I can even feel the thoughts and emotions of Autumn as I read.

poems and short stories

Lane said: “Autumn Ash, you know mom and dad expect you for Thanksgiving and you always him haw around because you’re still mooning over your long lost love.” My brother Lane was right

I still moon over my high school sweetheart Hunter Birch, we were inseparable, and he was my first of all firsts. I really thought we would be married after we earned our degrees. We kept in touch for the first two years and then the communication trickled until it completely stopped. I received my Veterinaries license and set up my practice in the next county over from where I grew up, in hopes that when Hunter received his license to practice medicine he would join the staff at the local hospital.

Mooning over someone, especially a distant memory of someone does not necessarily mean you are still in love with that person. You may be in love with the…

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